| Dear Coach: I've got just a couple women in a team of about twenty sales reps. One of them is about to win the top spot for the first time. I heard her tell her lone female colleague that she's nervous about the award dinner; she doesn't want to make the guys "look bad." What the heck!? I want my winners to be leaders and it looks like she's about to blow it. Got advice on this? Coach says: First I'll explain why she may have made that "odd" statement. Women generally prefer things to be equal in terms of power. You've heard us greeting each other, saying "Gee, you look great!" and "Wow, so do you!" right? That's about making sure we are all winners, so there are no "losers." This may be why your female rep is worried about her day in the sun. She's worried the others will regard her actions as gloating-a no-no in woman-land. Men, on the other hand, usually separate competition from personal relationships: they know they can compete hard without damaging those relationships. How do they know this? They've been playing and competing on that basis since they were knee-high to a hubcap! What's more, women tend to celebrate effort. My guess is, your award dinner is more in line with what men celebrate: the winner. Last, but certainly not least, your female rep may also worry about repercussions. What she doesn't realize is that men value competing by the rules (such as quota rules), and respect those who win. When women actively play by the rules, whether they win or not, they earn respect from their male peers. Bust quota and win, and women earn even more respect from their male peers. Now that you know what may be going on in her head-and why it seems strange to you-what should you do to nurture her leadership? First of all, know that women can and do learn the style of competitive spirit you are looking for. They add those skills and perspective onto what comes naturally and become all the more successful in sales. One of the most powerful things women can learn from their male colleagues is look at each game-or quota period-as a separate occasion and opportunity. This perspective is a big part of what helps people shrug off failure and try hard each time. See if you can translate the rules of the game for her; there are lots of great books on the subject. You might also share this note with her. However, what will help her the most is to encourage her to shine; to at least pretend she is comfortable competing and being in the spotlight. As she experiences the pleasures of healthy competition and the ungrudging admiration of her peers, she'll be well on her way to adopting the competitive skills and attitudes you want. |